In Defense Of Donald Trump #3: White Nights

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Yesterday, we talked about Trump’s loneliness and lack of friends.  It seemed a good segueway to the only friend he has on the world stage – everyone’s favorite murderous dictator, Vladimir Putin.

(I mean, if you have to, gun-to-your-head, pick a favorite murderous dictator. And if you’re a journalist in Russia, odds are you’ve had a gun to your head. Anyway.)

Imagine you’re Donald Trump – who, as I’ve explained earlier, has no friends:

So. You’re alone in your golden bedroom in your golden penthouse, late at night. You can’t sleep. You wonder…

Where’s Melania? Oh, I guess she’s taking care of the kid – what’s his name, Barlow? Bart? Bueller? Whatever. What to do, what to do? Have a quick fap to some statuary? Naah, not in the mood. Stomp on the floor to annoy the lady downstairs? Naaah, she’ll just tell on me to the mob guys again. Ah ha – Twitter!  That’s the ticket…

…and you pull out your phone and see politicians all over the world insulting you.

Yes, it seems that the world stage is not so keen on Donald. Prominent international pols have called Donald “an idiot,” “a vulture,” “a wazzock,” “barking mad,” “the shame of our civilization,” and my personal favorite, “The orange prince of American self-publicity.”

(That last one was from a British MP because of course it was.)

I mean, there are multiple articles that run down all the mean things that world leaders have said about you. There are just so many mean things.  There’s only so many “LOSER!” response tweets you can make in a day, you can’t possibly get to them all…

…and then along comes Vlad.

And Vlad is just nice.  He calls you “colorful” and “talented” and “brilliant.” After the drubbing you just got from the rest of the world, is it any wonder you conflate that to “GENIUS!” and start returning the favor?

Okay okay you hear he maaaybe had a couple dozen journalists killed.  He maaaybe rigged an election. Or two.  He’s maaaaybe a war criminal. But you’re willing to overlook things the media is saying about him, right? Look at the horrible, no-good things they’re saying about you.

For Donald it’s like this: you’re a kid on the playground getting bullied. Do you take it? No. Do you fight back? If you can. If you can’t, do you hitch your wagon to an even bigger bully?


NEXT: He Kicked The Rock.